Foiled Again!!!

You wouldn't believe some of the ridiculous reasons (to be read 'excuses') people give me for why I pull them over. Case in point...

We are currently hip deep in the Click It or Ticket campaign in the fine State of California. Feel free to translate that as if you're not wearing your seatbelt and I see you, you're getting a ticket. Used to be a $20 fine. It's now upwards of $90 to start. Ah, inflation. At any rate, I stopped what was like my 20th person last week for not wearing the seatbelt. I'm riding N/B on Any St. and the violator is driving S/B on the same street. I am less than 20' from the violator's vehicle. It's sunny. I can see the buckle hanging against the B-Pillar of the vehicle. The fucking sun is glinting off the damn thing. An obvious violation. Here's how the contact went...

me: Do you know why I stopped you?
violator: No.
me: You weren't wearing your seatbelt.

(violator is now wearing the seatbelt...fairly common, but all too late since I've already seen the violation)

violator: But I'm wearing it it.
me: You weren't when I saw you.
violator: *stunned/frustrated silence*
me: Are you telling me I didn't see the belt hanging loose on the door pillar and the buckle gleaming in the sun? I'm giving you the opporunity to be honest with me
violator (hands me her info): whatever
me: ok...be right back.

(I go back and scratch out a quick cite and return to the vehicle)

me: ok, go ahead and sign the highlited yellow portion at the bottom. This isn't a moving violation, but simply a fine.
violator: you only stopped me because I'm a black female.

***break for a moment*** Take a minute and digest that one, shall we? Deep breath. And continue.

me (trying mightly to remain calm): Are you kidding me.
violator: None of my white friends ever get a ticket in Town. I've lived here for 30+ years.
me: Well, I wish I could show you my stats of who I stop because I could not care less who they are. If they violate the vehicle code and I see it, they get a ticket. That's a fantastic attitude you have there, Ma'am. Have a nice day. (quickly walk away before my mouth gets me in trouble).

Ok...after much thought, here is what I would've enjoyed saying instead....

violator: You only stopped me because I'm a black female.
me: Dammit! You caught me. I was at the local Supremacy meeting just last night and I decided to employ my most sinister of plans to destroy the Black community. We've had enough with the cross burnings and the segregation, and affirmative action. It's time to pull out all the stops! Those old ways just weren't getting the job done. I'm going to take all of you down with $100 fines one by fucking one!!! Muahahahahahahaa. Damn you and your civil rights and your flagrant violation of the sanctity of the California Vehicle Code. My one regret is that I can't cite MLK or Rosa Parks, those fussy malcontents! I bet my seatbelt ticket would've brought the entire movement to a screeching halt and our country would be a different place!

Are you fucking kidding me, lady? It's a traffic infraction fine. Put on your fuckin' seatbelt and go about your day! The audacity of this woman in this day and age to accuse me of racism over a seatbelt violation. I truly do not care what race, creed, religion, sexual preference, age, insert whatever damn label you want, of any violator I stop. Bottom line is violation = ticket. Should be obvious by now I enjoy the ticket.

Thank the good Lord for the Blog (shudder) as an outlet because I would have loved to give this lady an earful. I hope someday she drives by me while I'm citing one of the bevy of white male juveniles in this Town. Unreal.

Welcome to the ridulousness of today's citizenry, folks. Feel my pain.

The Force is strong with this one...

So, I'm not even at work and I get a complaint. Now that is skill! The kid was sick, so I stayed home to take care of her so the Wife could concentrate on her school work. Consequently, I missed traffic court.

Here's the back story on the cite...

I'm working at one of my usual duck ponds when I see an SUV pass me at about 40 mph or so...no biggie, except for the kid hanging half his body out the rear left passenger window. Junior obviously has no seatbelt on. I caught up to the car, pulled it over, contacted the driver (Junior's mom) and explained the violation. Turns out Junior is seven years old. Old enough to know better than to be hanging outside a damn car. Now I kept in mind this is just a kid, so I very politely explained to him that he was getting older and was old enough to know better. Seemed to go well at the time. Junior seemed to take what I said to heart and I felt fairly confident he wouldn't put himself in harm's way like that again.

Oh yeah...I still cited Mom.

Anyhoo...fast forward three months to traffic court. I'm not there. The cite gets dismissed. Yes, kids, the rumours are true...no cop = not guilty. Mom is not happy, however. She brings her whiny ass to the PD to complain because she felt I was condescending. To her seven year old. Three months ago. My supervisor, God bless him, told her he didn't believe a seven year old understood condescension. Love it! Bottom line, she was just pissed off because she didn't get to vent in court. She should be fucking happy, since my not showing up saved her dumbass nearly $500 (the fine). I'm sorry, did that sound condescending?

Not to mention the fact that if she was so bent about my treatment of Junior, why in the hell did she wait THREE months to whine about it? Unreal...

I was proud of myself for generating a complaint on a day I wasn't even at work. Brilliant. The Force runs deep in this Jedi.

Hehe...

Trifecta!!!

Ok. We all know you're required to wear your seatbelt whilst your vehicle is in motion, yes? Good. Come July 1, 2008 (less than two months from now), we'll all be required to have hands free cellphone features. *Giddy* You have no idea how many violations I see where the violator is also yammering on their damn phone. I absolutely cannot wait until July. Make no mistake, folks, I'm looking for you. As a matter of fact, I have a bet with a friend of mine about who can cite more cellphone violations on July 1. It's gonna be a good day!!

Now, guess what I hear on the news this morning. There is a bill currently going through the state senate, after passing successfully through the assembly to ban driver's from having their pets on their laps whilst they're driving! Oh sweet tap dancing Christ on a crutch....it makes me weep with joy.

The Holy Grail: citing someone for speeding while on their cell phone, not wearing their seatbelt with Fifi on their lap. I might just fall over from overwhelming excitement.

I've heard tell from my brethren of a fellow officer that has cited someone for speed because they had a dog on their lap. Follow along....CVC 22350 states that a vehicle shall not travel at a speed that is unsafe for conditions. You tell me....what speed is safe to travel with a yorkie on your lap? Notice the section says nothing about a speed limit. A speed limit, my uninitiated friends, is typically what the safe speed is, but it is not finite. The safe speed can change based on weather, traffic conditions, visibility, and/or roadway conditions. So, technically, the safe speed to drive at whilst Spot is on your lap, or you're reading the paper, or putting on your makeup is....wait for it.....zero. The violator allegedly fought the ticket. The violator was found guilty. Justice is sweet. I have yet to have the required cajones to cite some like that. I generate enough complaints as it is.

You've been warned...

Forensic Mapping

Sounds wicked exciting, no? No? That's cuz it isn't. Guess what, kids? Not everything we cops do involves high speed chases, kicking in doors, and newsworthy drug busts. From time to time, we have to do additional training to make us more well rounded. Call it a necessary evil.

So, what is forensic mapping, you ask? (And thanks for asking...) Ever see cops on the news after some heinous crash using a machine on a big 'ol tripod? That is similar to survey equipment. Basically, we use to to digitally capture the aftermath of a crash. We take a "shot" (unfortunately, not the kind that pops to mind) and then we can transfer that "shot" (or more accurately, hundreds of them) to a CAD, or Computer Aided Diagramming, program to draw out the scene. Then, using what we've captured at the scene, we can go back and reconstruct the collision (refer to previous post regarding getting closer to knowing everything).

Although it is not exactly a GTA IV tournament or anything, it's useful. Well, there you go...I'm off to get me some coffee to assist with maintaining consciousness for the next 8 hours.

Ta...