I know, I know. The last post was a month ago. Allow me to refer you to the inaugural post on this, my little confessional...
"I make no promises to hourly, daily, weekly, monthly update my new nemesis; however, on the rare occasion in which I do, I can promise an uncensored look into the life of a motor cop."
So, shut up. Missed me, didn't you?
Alright, down to business. My POS motor was in the shop for six, count 'em, six weeks because the motor threw a rod. Don't know what that means? Me either, so don't ask. I can tell you, however, faithful and patient friends, that it straight fucks up an engine. To the tune of nearly $4,000. Do you know how many bikes Harley puts out in a day? Me either...why do you keep expecting me to know shit like this? I just ride it and ruin lives, people. Stick with me, here. At any rate, I would imagine the number is fairly large. Given that assumption, is it not also fair to assume the fine folks in Milwaukee would have an extra engine lying around? I'm pretty sure FedEx or UPS or even the USPS could ship the damn thing. Uh, no. I called down to my local Harley shop, where my bike had been collecting dust for about a month and spoke to Jeb the Oil Cleanup boy (not sure that was actually his name, but fuck it, we're running on assumptions anyway, right?) who was a veritable fountain of engineering knowledge. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey, this is Town PD checking on the status of my motor.
Jeb OCB: Uh-huh.
Me: You guys have had it for a month...any ETA on when it'll be completed.
Jeb OCB: Hang on, I'll check (let's give Jeb a big round of applause for kick ass customer service)
Jeb OCB: Ain't ready yet. (let's give Jeb a big round of applause for sounding like a douche)
Me: Ok. Why not?
Jeb OCB: Engine ain't here yet. (Ok, so he probably said "hasn't arrived yet", but screw him)
Me: Ok. Any idea when it will be in?
Jeb OCB: Not really.
Me: Well, you've been awful fucking helpful, there, Jeb. Why don't you go and take yourself a Bud break and chuckle at the fine comedic stylings of Larry the Cable guy whilst your 'yungins' play down at the crik?
***Yes, I made up the last part. Admit it, though. You laughed.***
Me: Not really? How's about you find out when it might be coming in.
Jeb OCB: Hang on.
Me: ***clenching the phone trying not to cuss Jeb out***
Jeb OCB: Should be in in a few days. We'll call you when it's ready.
Me: Fantastic, Jeb. Thanks.
Fast forward a week. Picture me sitting in a car. With four wheels. As in not my bike. On the positive side, it was about 107 degrees outside and about 12 degrees inside the car, so I can't say I was incredibly despondent about the whole situation. Anyways, you get the point. Finally, I get a call telling me the bike is ready. I drive my partner up there, drop him off, and head back to Town, assuming all is right with the world. No, no, no. My partner calls me a couple times to let me know there were additional issues. Eventually, I had to drive back to the dealership and pick him up, because right before he rode away, he tried to turn the radio on and it came loose. Lovely.
Long story short, the dealership kept it an additional day, and I was without the bike for six weeks. Weak.
However, as the title of this post indicates, I am back with a vengeance. In four days, I have written 52 cites. I took my average from 7/day on Tuesday to 10/day by Friday. That's a lot of work, kids. It's hot. I'm tired. I'm pissing people off. I'm dirty. I'm sweaty. I'm thirsty. I couldn't be happier.
I've got some more stories to tell, so I'll try to get to it over the weekend.
Now, back off. Hehe
