Dear Dumbass...

This post goes out to you small subset of anonymous a-holes out there that think leaving threats without your name signed to it is a good idea. I'd like to introduce you to the concept of an IP address. Yes, I have software installed on the blog to track them.

Are you listening, Chicago? Good.

Now go back to your dismal little douche-existence and leave the rest of us the fuck alone. Oh, also, your grammar is terrible. "Son of a bitches" leads one to believe it is possible to have more than one mother. It is not. If you ever get laid, you could very well be introduced to the concept, God help us all. And, of course, if that lucky lady does have your offspring, we may all accurately refer to you as "that motherfucker" with the shitty grammar. "Sons of bitches" is what you were shooting for. See how that works?

Over the past year and a half, I've gotten comments from a handful of you hateful pricks that find it somehow amusing to tell me (and by me, I mean me as a representative of the LEO community) that you hope I/we die or suffer some heinous deformity, blah, blah, blah. Usually, I ignore your bullshit, but today, your misuse of the English language just put me right over the edge.

I've every confidence that should you ever have the stones to actually leave your mom's basement and attempt something foolish, you'd be handled in the appropriate manner and probably spend a significant portion of the rest of your life in a small, cramped room not unlike the aforementioned basement. Only this time you'll have a roommate. He will think you're pretty.

So, for the first and last time, nutless wonder, the next time you decide to feebly attempt to namelessly flame someone, at least have the common fucking courtesy to proofread. Otherwise, you're just being lazy.

Nobody likes a lazy cocksucker.

How can you just stand there and lie like that?

Today, our intrepid hero had traffic court. I shall wait for you to regain consciousness after that bomb dropped...


You okay? Breathing into a paper bag? Bueno...I tarry on.

I had a case regarding speed. Nothing I haven't testified to literally hundreds of times before. Something about the audacity of today's defendant, though, really pissed me off. Being the professional purveyor of all things vehicle code related, however, I took it in stride knowing full well I'd just run on home and vent to you all. Please to enjoy...

MC: Good afternoon, you're honor, MC with the Town PD. This incident occurred on June 6 of this year. On that date, I was in full uniform and riding a marked Town PD Motorcycle. I was parked in the driveway of 123 Main St. for the purpose of monitoring traffic for a variety of vehicle code violations.

I saw the defendant's vehicle, a silver 2008 pricey car he most likely can't afford or is leasing (not actually what I said, but so much more entertaining than what I actually said). The vehicle appeared to be travelling in excess of the posted 30 MPH speed limit. I visually estimated the vehicle's speed at about 45 MPH. Using my hand held Lidar, I confirmed the vehicle's speed at 44 MPH. I conducted an enforcement stop, contacted the driver who identified himself as LLPF with a valid CA driver's license. I asked him if he knew what the speed limit was. He said, "25". I asked him if he knew how fast he was going. He said he did not. I issued him a citation for a violation of CVC 22350 and he signed the promise to appear in your Honor's court. I am handing him the current Traffic/Engineering Survey for the listed roadway. There are a number of businesses in the area, a Senior Care Facility, and apartments adding to the danger of speeding on Main St.

Judge: Any questions for the Officer?
LLPF (Liar, Liar Pants on Fire): Yes. Where were you parked?
MC: 123 Main St. (I really wanted to add, "Were you not listening? I mean I'm standing like two feet from you.)
LLPF: And where is that?
MC: In between South St. and the freeway.
LLPF: Are you aware there is a Senior Care Facility on that street?
MC: (Dude. Seriously? Are you retarded? Didn't I just testify to that very fucking thing?) Yes, I am.
LLPF: How far from where you were sitting is the Facility?
MC: Couple hundred feet or so.
LLPF: Did you see me come out of the Facility?
MC: No.
LLPF: Wouldn't it be hard to get up to 44 MPH in that distance?
MC: It sure would.
LLPF: No further questions.

LLPF went on to testi-lie (you read that right) about how he DID come out of the Facility and there was NO WAY he could have gotten up to that speed in so short a period of time.

Now here's what I left out of my testimony. After re-approaching LLPF's car with the citation, he said, "Can't we get a break? We donate all kinds of money to you guys." Let me explain something. It is so very tempting to make this douche look like the lying sack that he is in open court. Here's the thing, though. I'm not trying to look like the Cop with the attitude or chip on his shoulder. His statement, although indicative of his aforementioned douchery, has fuck all to do with the violation. So, I let it go. I've heard other Cops testify how the defendant told them to "fuck off" or call them an "asshole". They just sound like whiny little bitches when they bring it up in court. Like they're citing someone because they were mean to them. At the end of the day, I don't really give a shit what you call me because you and I both know you got stopped for doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. Your attitude may be personally irritating, but the law couldn't care less because it has nothing to do with whatever violation you committed.

The truly difficult thing is I know this jerkwad didn't come out of the Facility. Of course, I told the Judge that. He took it "under submission" which means he'll rule on it later and mail his decision. The problem is that of all the times I've been told I'd receive the results in the mail, I've seldom actually received them.

What the hell is wrong with society today? When did it become okay to straight lie in open court, under oath, no less? I'd like to believe karma will cut this guy off at the knees, but of late, I've been much less of a believer in "what goes around comes around"...totally different post, by the by...

The balls on this assclown are unbelieveable.

And to think I knew him when he was just Happy Medic

Today marks the beginning of a new way to look at EMS over at HMHQ and 999medic. Allow me to explain, just in case there are those of you who are uninitiated. About a year or so ago, a brash young man with the superhero moniker "Happy Medic" stumbled across an upstart's blog with the help of a friend. Those of you who've been reading for awhile are well aware of the antics of MC and HM's cross commentary on our respective blogs.

Earlier this year, HM and another paramedic (and a Foreigner at that!), one 999medic, also happened to begin to read each other's trials and travails in the art that is EMS. 999medic is from the UK and they have a completely different approach to patient care. Now, keep in mind, I've no clue what the hell the differences are because as we all know, cops just hope to hell Fire gets on scene first for any heinous medical calls. Sufficed to say, HM and 999medic struck up a fast friendship and began to discuss how their respective services handle similar events. After all, the incidents are similar, patients are the same, why treat them so differently?

It seems some of those questions may very well get answered as The Project gets under way. The Project is the brain child of these two pioneers and has been renamed the Chronicles of EMS (which will be filmed on this side of the Pond by Thaddeus Setla of Setla Film Productions). As I type this, 999medic, better known as Mark Glencorse, is sitting down to breakfast with HM, better known as Justin Schorr, at SFFD HQ. Mark and Justin have shed their virtual Batman cowls and revealed themselves to the world. Their meeting marks a new direction in the use of social media and EMS. Mark will be spending eight days riding and working with Justin in the City. Immediately after which, Justin will fly to Newcastle in the UK and spend eight days riding and working with Mark.

This is an exciting Project that will hopefully serve to bridge the gap between the two vastly different methods of providing patient care in the world of EMS. You can follow along on Twitter, @happymedic or @ukmedic999...they also have their own youtube channel where they will be giving nightly journal updates on the day's events.

I'm proud to know both of these men and I applaud their strives to change the way patients are treated and the way EMS care is provided.

Well done, gents!

The rest of you stay tuned for the entertaining story of how MC and HM met in the really real world!

I'm not a criminal...

As promised earlier on Facebook...

Today brought another fun filled court experience....and another Bitterman episode.

Ofr. Bitterman and I coincidentally had morning traffic court at the same time today. Bitterman thought he was lucky going early in the calendar. Poor hapless Bitterman.

The Judge called Bitterman's case. Bitterman walked up and waited for the defendant to walk up. The defendant didn't appear to be in court. Bitterman gave his testimony, the Judge found the absent defendant guilty. Bitterman was just about to the threshold of the doorway when this happened:

SET (to be explained): I DON'T GET TO SAY ANYTHING???

Silence fell upon the courtroom. All the cops looked to the back of the room. Then at the Judge. Oh man, this is gonna be good. Bitterman just froze in the doorway, a small shake of the head at his shitty luck.

SET (wait for it....): I'M NOT A CRIMINAL. I'M A SPECIAL ED TEACHER! (ergo SET).
Judge: Uh, I called your case why didn't you approach?
SET: No one told me what to do!
Judge: Alright. Why don't you have a seat and watch a few cases to get a feel for how they go. Ofr. Bitterman, you don't mind do you?
Bitterman (teeth set just so): No, your honor.

The judge called a few more cases, mine not amongst them. This was just fine with me...I needed blog fodder.

Judge: Calling SET.

Bitterman walked up and stood at the lectern. SET walked up in a huff and dropped her bag on the ground.

SET: Now that I've been totally humiliated...

Oh. Sweet. Lord. This just keeps getting better.

Judge: Excuse me?
SET: I said I've been humiliated.
Judge: Go sit down.

I watched Bitterman's jaw tighten and I had to stifle a chuckle. The judge continued through the rest of the calendar leaving SET for last. My case was heard (Victory, thank you), but I sat in the back of the courtroom because, well, fodder! Oh...and I forgot that halfway through the calendar, we saw the bailiff walk to the back of the courtroom with a box of kleenex. Priceless.

Judge: SET.

SET and Bitterman re-approach their respective lecterns. The Judge is truly a nice guy and I'll be the first to say I have no clue how he keeps his cool and maintains his patience in the face of such obvious idiocy (this case notwithstanding). He explained to SET that he called her last on the calendar to give her more privacy because of her comment about being humiliated. (I must admit to staring at my iPhone pretending to do something besides listen, because I'll just bet you looked at me with eyes that said, "Will you take a fuckin' hint and get out?!?" Do you people see the sacrifices I make for your entertainment?)

At any rate, she continued to whine about the injustices of apparently not having a full time sign spinner, a la Round Table, with a large "No U-Turn" sign in the middle of a busy intersection so she would take proper heed and not violate the law. Alas, SET, if only the Town had the disposable income to do such a thing...oh, and we could hire one of those cats that paint themselves silver and stand like statues for hours on end. I'm not really sure what purpose they would serve, but those dudes are cool!

The Judge asked if she would like him to go out and take a look at the intersection and make sure it was properly marked. She sobbingly requested he do just that. Here's where the Judge takes the easy way out...I know the intersection Bitterman testified to. SET violated the law. It's extremely well marked. The interesting thing is the Judge will take a case like this "under submission" which translates to (at least in this case and in my opinion) "I'm gonna find you guilty and mail you my decision so you don't freak the fuck out in my courtroom". I couldn't agree more with the tactic!

Much like me, Bitterman tends to get some weird people to interact with. Here's to another entertaining morning in the justice system!

God Bless the South

Really? No chases at all? Good luck, Wellford.

Hey, Mayor Peake...why don't you institute some more training for your officers? Maybe institute a fitness regime? Training and working out tend to reduce the number of on-the-job injuries. That correlates to less worker's comp claims. Oh...and you're a condescending, passive/aggressive ol' windbag.

Thanks for the video, Carol!

For your family

Recently, the Wife and I attended and graduated from the online version of FPU (Financial Peace University) put on by one Dave Ramsey. DR is the best-selling author of the Total Money Makeover and a nationally syndicated talk radio host. DR advocates a very common sense and patient approach to managing one's money. This is by no means a "get rich quick" program. It takes time, patience, sacrifice, and dedication.

There is so much I could pass along about this program, it boggles the mind. It has truly changed our approach to Finance. Our children will never have to suffer through the financial issues we have. They will never be slaves to creditors. We can't thank DR enough for putting us on the right track. We will be debt free (with the exception of our home) in a little less than four years. Paying off over $70K in that period of time blows my mind. The key to our success is sticking to an actual written budget, allocating our spending (every dime has a destination), and working hard to make some extra scratch (garage sales, OT, craigslist, etc).

After completing FPU, we joined the TMMO (Total Money Makeover) website. There, I found DR's 30-day challenge. The challenge is this: set up a "Legacy Drawer". I'll let DR explain it...

If something tragic were to happen to you or someone in your family, would anyone know where to look for important information like a power of attorney or insurance policies? Would anyone else know how to access important places like your safety deposit box? Do you have everything you need to have in order so that if something were to happen to you, everyone could devote their attention to you and not the stresses of financial uncertainty?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you need to begin putting together what Dave Ramsey calls a “legacy drawer.” A legacy drawer is a drawer in your home that contains all the important information that your family needs if something happens to you. It gets the name from the fact that you love your family so much that you get all your matters in order so that the information is easy to get to and understand.

It’s not just papers thrown together. It should be organized so anyone could quickly find a certain document within 20 seconds. Everything is clearly marked, in order, and easy for a grieving family member to find.

After the tragedy suffered by Joel and his family, I find the discovery of the 30-day challenge fortuitous, minimally. You don't have to be a member of TMMO or even be a DR fan to see the benefit of having a Legacy Drawer. Things to include in the drawer are as follows:

Legacy Drawer Home

Will and Estate Plans

Financial Accounts

Funeral Instructions

Insurance Policies

Important Documents

Legacy Letters

Monthly Budget

Tax Returns

Safe Deposit Box

Passwords...

I encourage and challenge all of you to get your affairs in order and have them in a place easy for loved ones to find and understand. I know I will sleep better in 30 days when I know if something should happen to me, there will be much less for the Wife to deal with because we took the time to get everything squared away before necessity dictated it.