Broken Record

Sometimes, it seems like I'm talking to a wall. Or perhaps my readership hasn't grown to enough folks yet. Either way, there are those out there in the driving world that just don't seem to get it. It looks as if I shall have to make yet another example of a disillusioned gentleman I dealt with yesterday.

I was tooling about Town yesterday afternoon looking for seatbelt violations. I rode within about ten feet of an '09 Mercedes. The driver was wearing a white shirt. I clearly saw the metal buckle hanging against the B-pillar of the car. The belt itself was black. An obvious violation.

I swung around and got behind the car and pulled it over. This is how it went...

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?

DAG (Disillusioned Arrogant Guy): No.

MC: You weren't wearing your seatbelt.

DAG: I just pulled out from the parking lot.

MC: Uh...not when I saw you. You were sitting at the traffic signal.

DAG: Yeah, well, what was I gonna do? Was I gonna say, "Oh, there's a cop, I should put my seatbelt on real quick?"

*This is what we call a guilty statement*

MC: I need your license, registration and insurance, please.

DAG (hands me all of the above along with his "I donated money to law enforcement" Membership card): Here.

**Let me briefly explain. By the "Membership Card", I mean any organization in which you join and financially support for whatever reason. CHP has the 11-99 Foundation, many counties have a Sheriff's Posse, and cities may or may not have similar entities. In my experience, a number of members attempt to use these "credentials" as get-out-of-jail-free cards when stopped for a traffic violation.**

MC (hands back the membership card): You can hang on to this. I'll be right back.

MC (returns to the car): Okay, sir, I need your signature on the yellow highlighted portion at the bottom, please.

DAG: After all the help I've given to Officer Doe and Officer Random (Not their real names), you're going to give me this ticket? I mean, your entitled to, but still!

MC: Well sir, although being a "member" and providing assistance to Doe and Random is appreciated, it really isn't going to prevent you from being thrown through your windshield because you weren't wearing your seatbelt.

DAG: I'm not talking about being a "member", but I've helped Doe and Random quite a bit.

MC: Okay. Drive safely.

It just so happened that I had the opportunity to talk to both Doe and Random a few hours later. Turns out, DAG had texted Doe after I cited him and whined about getting a ticket. Doe's response? "Click it or ticket". Brilliant. Doe and Random both confirmed DAG had nothing coming and was indeed trying to get himself out of a ticket.

The lesson? Once again, take responsibility for your actions. We're talking about an infraction, genius. If your rolling in an '09 Mercedes, I'd imagine you can swing the fine for a seatbelt. No one is interested in listening to your whiny bullshit about all the selfless acts you've provided to assist the police (particularly when they are much bigger in your head than in reality). Also, I don't care what "organization" you're a "member" of. You are not above the law. So, save your breath.

Seatbelt and the Vietnam connection

Whilst out protecting the public at large, my production company and I found an opportunity to film a stop we got a chuckle out of and wanted to pass it along. I, your humble MC, am played by myself. Our misguided and mathematically challenged friend is played by John Malkovich. (C'mon! Use your imagination!)



Crazy, right? It never ceases to amaze me how much people want me out there enforcing different laws than the one I happened to stop them for. Stop sign? I should be out there stopping speeders. Speeding? I should be stopping the guy that was going faster than them. Tailgating? I should be stopping the speeders. It's a never ending circle of retarded, downward-spiralling bullshit.

If I had a dime for every time someone tried to blame-shift me on a stop, I wouldn't have to work so much damn overtime to support my family! I think this is what folks are shooting for...

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
PHG (Powerfully Hypnotic Guy): No.
MC: You were speeding.
PHG: True....but look into my eyes. (insert stereotypical hypnotic music and perhaps one of those swirly image things)
MC: Oh, dammit.
PHG: You should be stopping the guy that cut me off and caused me to speed up in order to get around his obviously dangerous driving.
MC: Um...shouldn't you just slow down and let him continue on?
PHG: LOOK DEEPER IN MY EYES AND DON'T FIGHT IT!!!
MC: Shit. Your powers are overwhelming my strong common sense approach to law enforcement.
PHG (maniacally laughs): That's right! Now leave me be!
MC: I must obey.

People, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Just take fucking responsibility for your actions. That's how you learn and grow. It's what makes society a more organized and less chaotic joint to live in.

Oh, and it makes you much less of a douche.

MC's Big Announcement

As many of you are aware, my buddies, Happy Medic and UK Medic 999, have been fortunate enough to partner up with the folks over at the Chronicles of EMS to document the differences in the American and British EMS systems.

They aren't the only ones that have scored themselves a film crew...check it...



And just as a teaser...Coming Soon to MC's World...




Stay tuned for more live action updates with your 'ol buddy, MC!

MC learned something new

I'll take a minute and let you recover. I know, I know...you thought I was all-knowing. Alas, that is not the case.

In May of last year, I wrote this post. In part of the post, unbelievable as it may be, I get on the media about their use of the word "accident". Earlier this week, I received a comment from what I think is a new reader, Lee. Lee had a knowledge bomb to drop...if you listen you can hear the whistling coming from above...

"...the manual that journalists generally rely on when writing articles is called the Associated Press Stylebook. It's like a cross between a dictionary and a grammar encyclopedia, and its supposed to trump all other manuals. Anyhow, this is the entry on "collision" in the AP Stylebook: "Two objects must be in motion before they can collide. A moving train cannot collide with a stopped train." In other words, a journalist is not allowed to use the word "collision" in the same way as the police and the general public use it."

I was very impressed not with just Lee's comment, but the way in which it was expressed. Thanks, Lee, for taking the time to comment and I truly appreciate the heads up.

Although, now I have to find something different to bitch about regarding the media. Just when you get comfy in your bitchiosity. Is that in the AP stylebook? See, they don't know everything either!

It's a New Year

Time for your buddy MC to turn over a new leaf and make those resolutions a reality. Over the past year, I've gotten a number of comments about how I unfairly cite people because I'm just plain mean, or a bully, or I was bullied in high school, or I've a Napoleon complex, or a small penis, or insecurities, or some other such nonsense.

You win.

I'm going to treat every stop in a new light. I will think of the driver's perspective and how hard their lives may be right now. I will not treat the Vehicle Code as some sort of rule book drivers should follow, but as more of a guideline. After all, the driver could very well have a reason for doing whatever it is they were doing. I need to have the kind of respect for my fellow man that allows me to put myself in their shoes and feel what they do. It can't be easy being stopped by a guy like me. It must be intimidating what with the gun and all, not to mention the leather jacket and those stupid ass aviator sunglasses.

From this moment forward, 2010 will be the Year of Understanding for MC. I will embrace the softer, more liberal approach to life. I will attempt to connect with the drivers on an emotional level and try to truly ascertain the reasons behind why they were violating the law. I will refuse to bow to the pressure of the community to make their streets safer at the cost of potential financial woes inflicted upon the unsuspecting driving public.

You, the motoring public in and about the state of CA, are now my most valued contacts. I will let you talk ad nauseam about your personal injustices and how your day has been irrevocably turned on its ear because I had the audacity to stop you for a minor infraction. As a matter of fact, I apologize in advance for my obvious disdain for you, your timetable and your apparent lack of ability to manage your time. I don't know what I was thinking. If you could see your way clear to forgive me my former transgressions, I promise to make this a better year for all of us.

Sincerely,

MC

P.S. You know I'm fucking with you, right?

Another Christmas Tale

This one heralds back to '08, but I thought it was amusing enough to share. I don't remember the specific date of the stop, but it was definitely in the days preceding Christmas. Please to enjoy...

I stopped a car for speeding on one of the Town's major thoroughfares. I ran the usual spiel and returned to the vehicle with citation in hand. The driver was a nice lady and decided to give the "but it's Christmas" excuse. Sometimes, you've gotta feel out the driver before you decide to run with a particular response. Some folks are hell bent on complaining regardless of what you say or do. Some can appreciate a good sense of humour. This lady was the latter.

MC: Okay, ma'am. Can you sign the highlighted yellow portion at the bottom, please.

WIS (Well-Intentioned Speeder): Oh, but it's Christmas!

MC: Ma'am, Christmas isn't for a few days. And, honestly, if I saw Santa Claus going as fast as you were in his sleigh, I'd have stopped him and given him a ticket as well.

WIS (laughing as she signed): Can't really argue with that, now can I.

MC: Merry Christmas, ma'am.

WIS (still laughing): You, too, officer.

The Grinch visits the Town

Yes, I realize it's the New Year, but I've been enjoying the holidays with the family and haven't posted in a couple weeks. Consequently, what follows is a little holiday tale from Christmas Eve.

I usually don't like giving tickets on holidays. What?!?! Yes, you read that correctly. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years will typically find me giving warnings or just plain leaving folks alone. Part of it is that traffic is virtually non-existent on those days and the other part is even my coal black heart warms a bit on a holiday (except Arbor Day...Spare the Air days my ass!)

Christmas Eve, however, is not a holiday. It is not Christmas. It is the day before. Thus, the "Eve" part. This is how my first stop of the day went.

MC: Morning...do you know why I stopped you?

CES (Christmas Eve Speeder): Um...speeding?

MC: Yeah. Do you know what the speed limit is?

CES: 45.

MC: Do you know how fast you were going?

CES: No.

MC: 62. Do you have your license, registration and insurance?

CES: Sure.

I walked back to the motor and wrote out the speeding ticket.

MC: Okay, I need you to sign the highlighted yellow portion, please.

CES (signs): You do know it's Christmas Eve, don't you?

MC: Indeed, I do. Drive safely.

I handed him his copy of the cite and returned to the motor. This is how I cleared the stop over the air.

MC: MC.

Radio: MC?

MC: Can you confirm today is Christmas Eve?

Radio (hesitates): I can and it is.

MC: Copy. Just wanted to make sure. My subject seemed to think so and I wanted to confirm his calendar was accurate. 10-8 on a cite.

Occasionally, you've gotta say stuff like that over the air to entertain yourself, your dispatcher, and your partners. When I got back to the PD, I was greeted with chuckles and smiles. I love the holiday season!