Jurisdiction

On a sunny day last week, I was sitting in one of my oft-mentioned spots when a random dude in a pickup pulled alongside. He just sort of stared at me for a few seconds. Eventually, I said a polite "Good morning" to him. Because I'm a swell guy. This is how the rest of the conversation went...

Bud Inski (clever, I know): You're outside your jurisdiction.

**He's main bitch was that I was sitting in the fine city to the south of Town. True enough, I'll grant him.**

MC: Excuse me?

Bud: You're not in Town.

MC: True, but I'm still in the state of California, sir.

Bud: That doesn't matter. You have no authority to write tickets while sitting there.

MC: The California Penal Code disagrees with you sir, but thanks for your opinion.

Bud: The Supreme Court has ruled that you can't sit outside your jurisdiction. Expect a call from your District Attorney.

'Ol Bud drove away to my disbelieving shake of the head. This isn't the first interaction I've heard of with Bud. My partner has had similar experiences with this guy. Same attitude, same complaint.

I have no idea what case he seems to be referencing with regard to the Supreme Court. I stand by PC 830.1(a). This is the section that gives specific law enforcement entities police authority any place in the state. I can't count the number of times I've been "outside my jurisdiction", conducted a traffic stop and subsequently issued a citation. Be it en route to court, home, or just out and about. I'm not about to let a heinous violation slide because I happen to be outside of Town.

Like I said, technically, I was indeed sitting in South City. However, I was just outside the Town limit. I was monitoring speeders still inside Town limits before they entered South City. Is it a technicality in Bud's mind? Probably. Do I care? Um...nope. I'm using Town traffic & engineering surveys, not South City's.

I'm hoping to catch Bud one day speeding in Town and stopping him in South City. Ah, what a lovely day that'll be. And you'll all benefit as well, because you know damn well it'll be blog-worthy!

By the way, I'm still waiting on that call from the D.A. Huh.

This one is for you, passengers.

I noticed something last week that I found interesting. By interesting, I mean really fucking annoying. Maybe you all can help me understand.

Many of us have been pulled over. Many of us have been passengers in a car that has been pulled over. These are two completely different experiences. In the first, you're the responsible party. In the second, you're just a bystander. You're not on the radar (so long as you aren't doing anything overtly stupid and/or dangerous). So here's my question. Why the hell don't you just keep your mouth shut?

On two separate stops last week, passengers in both cars decided to flap their gums at me. Why? Seriously. That's not rhetorical. I don't get it. Do you think you're going to help the driver out by being an annoying pain in the ass? Not likely. So, why bother?

You might be thinking to yourself, "C'mon, MC, lighten up! You can't expect the passenger to sit idly by every time!" And you're right. Let me elaborate...

I'm not talking about the polite conversationalist or the guy that gives his buddy a hard time for getting pulled over. I'm talking about the attitude. The "I can't believe you're going to give him a ticket for that" guy (or in the second case, girl). In the first stop, I stopped a driver for a cell phone violation. *Cue dream sequence*

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?

Driver: No.

MC: You were on the cell phone.

Driver: I was calling my son's doctor. He just had an impacted tooth removed and we picked up the medication at Walgreen's and I wanted to ask the doctor how much to give him.

**Um....I've never seen a prescription bottle that didn't have those details written on it, but that's beside the point.**

MC: Is there a reason you couldn't have called while in Walgreen's or perhaps stopped the vehicle to make the call?

Driver (vacant stare): ...

MC: I'll be right back.

*I wrote the cite and returned**

MC: Okay, sir, I just need you to sign on the yellow highlighted portion at the bottom.

Driver: Thanks for your consideration about the medication.

**Now, I know he was being a sarcastic prick (takes one to know one)**

MC (what I should have said): But sir, I'm not giving you consideration. I'm giving you a ticket.

MC (what I actually said): Okay, sir.

**Here is where I have to truly bite my tongue**

JSL (Johnny Snot Locker aka passenger): I hope you like your job.

Now what the fuck is he piping up for? He's not the one getting a ticket. I would have loved to have said, "Listen, you disrespectful little jerk, why don't you worry more about whatever prescription scam you're running on daddy here so you can inevitably sell your meds to your dipshit friends and less about the fact that pops is getting a ticket, huh?" But, of course, I didn't.

The second situation was similar, only this time the violation was a seatbelt. I pulled the car over and had my usual interaction with the driver. The driver was very polite and gave me no static whatsoever. Not so much with the passenger, though.

To be honest, I think the passenger was a girl, but I can't be 100% sure. (S)he was wearing a hat cocked sideways, a white tank top (can I say wife beater without offending?) and reflective aviator sunglasses from every 80's movie involving the CHP and/or jets.

I handed the driver the ticket for her to sign and Pat the Passenger pops off with full on attitude, "What, she can't get a warning for this?" To which I reacted by simply leaning in briefly and saying, "No. She can't."

I walked back to the motor shaking my head. So, here is my question to you. Two questions, actually. First off, what good can come from a passenger running their mouth? Second, is there a polite/professional way to tell someone, "Hey, how's about a nice big cup of shut the hell up?"

I'm at a loss for both.

Ask MC

I've quite the backlog of questions, so I'll start with an easy one.

Lisa asked:

"If you come to a stop sign that ALSO has a stop line after it (10-12 feet behind sign), must you come to a complete stop before each of them?"

Believe it or not, that comes up more often than you'd think. I just stopped someone for running a stop sign two days ago and she was confused about where to stop as well. Which is funny since she didn't friggin' stop at all, but that's beside the point.

The CVC offers up yet another provocative answer within CVC 22450(a).

The driver of any vehicle approaching a stop sign at the entrance to, or within, an intersection shall stop at a limit line, if marked, otherwise before entering the crosswalk on the near side of the intersection.

If there is no limit line or crosswalk, the driver shall stop at the entrance to the intersecting roadway .

That about sums it up. The limit line is the key, not the physical vertical sign (if both are there). If there isn't a marked limit line, use the closer crosswalk line. If neither exist, stop at the entrance to the intersecting roadway.

Listen, I know it's not necessarily funny and/or entertaining, but the blog can't always be about being a smartass, now can it? Oh...nope...there it is. Still a smartass.

Hope that clears it up for you, Lisa! Thanks for the question!

Brace yourself...another lame speeding excuse.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard "I sped up to get away from that crazy driver" I'd have, well, uh...at least 75 cents. Besides earning enough to flood my system with my much beloved caffeine, let's look at that statement, shall we?

Come to think of it, let's start by looking at the exact opposite of that statement. "I slowed down to let that crazy driver get farther away from me." How many collisions have ever happened and/or citations been issued based on that statement? Using my sophisticated and highly trained mathematical-type knowledge, I'm going out on a limb and say, let's see...carry the 2, yup...NOT ONE FUCKING INCIDENT!

See how common sense works, folks? If there's some raging douche bag driving like an asshole, cutting everybody off, flipping the bird, blaring his inner city gangsta rap (cuz his pale parents just don't get how fucking street he really is), the answer isn't speeding up to get away from him. There are so many reasons why, but feel free to choose one from the following list:

1. He'll turn onto a sidestreet and you'll still be speeding because you're pissed off. This is when I hit you with the lidar, cite you, and blog about what a lying sack you are.

2. Now, both of you idiots are speeding and creating twice the danger on the road. Great plan, genius.

3. See #2 and add on that now you're both pissing off other people creating a massive downward spiral of anger and rage. That plus speed equals someone getting hurt

4. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, and get shot because although he isn't really that street, he's stupid enough to think he is and he carries a gun.

5. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, he pulls up next to you at the next stop sign, pulls you from the car and beats the living shit out of you because he has testicles the size of raisins from the 'roids.

There are quite a number more I could scratch out, but you get the point. How hard is it to just let it go? Listen, I've been there. I know how it feels. I can unequivocally tell you, though, that douche bag will most certainly get his comeuppance. You may never see it happen, but it will happen as sure as the day is long. It always does.

So, do us all a favor. Don't add to the problem. Slow down. Let it go. No one is going to pull up to you and yell, "You pussy! I can't believe you're gonna take that! You're such a little bitch!" If anything, think to yourself, "I did it, MC! I just let it go."

You never know...maybe you'll see me citing the prick around the next bend. I'll look for you. I'll smile that knowing smile and you can go forth proud of yourself for both resisting the urge to speed and saving the embarrassment of handing me the line about how you had to speed "to get away from the crazy driver."

"I don't like it when someone lies like that"

Yup. That's what she said. In open court. About me. I think my tongue is still sore from biting it to keep from busting out laughing at her. It all started back in May of last year when I stopped this dingbat for not wearing her seatbelt. She finally got around to getting to court today. It was an entertaining day in court as it was, so when I stepped to the podium to give my testimony, I was already feeling easily amused. If I only knew...

MC: Good Afternoon, your honor, MC with Town PD. This violation occurred on May 5th of last year. On that date, I was in full uniform riding a marked Town Motor. I was eastbound on 123 St. at the intersection with Main Blvd. I saw the defendant driving in the #1 southbound lane on Main Blvd. I clearly saw her sheepskin covered seatbelt hanging against the B-pillar of her Jaguar. I conducted an enforcement stop, contacted the driver who identified herself with a valid CDL as Raging Pain in the Ass (RPiA). I asked her if she knew why I stopped her. She said she did not. I explained that she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. She said, "I know you saw me with it on. You just saw me take it off." I assured her I had not and I subsequently issued her a citation for CVC 27315(d). She signed the promise to appear in your honor's court.

Judge: Any questions for the officer?

RPiA: Yes. Did you see me?

MC: Yes, ma'am. I saw you not wearing your seatbelt.

RPiA: No. I mean did you see me?

MC: I don't understand the question.

RPiA: I know you were wearing your dark Batman sunglasses, but did we make eye contact?

MC: (What I should have said...thought of it too late) Ma'am, I assure you my protective eyewear has no superhero qualities about them. (What I actually said) I don't recall if we did or not.

RPiA: Did you see me rummaging around in my glovebox?

MC: Not that I recall.

RPiA: You were standing right there! Is there any law about me rummaging around when you pull me over?

MC: Um (quite confused now about what the hell this wingnut is talking about)...not that I'm aware of, although, I must say it isn't the most prudent thing to do.

RPiA: (haughty as fuck) And why not?

MC: Well, ma'am, how am I to know if you're reaching for your registration or a gun? I'm sure there's no law about it, but I'd certainly prefer if you don't rummage about your vehicle before I make contact with you.

RPiA: So, a driver should just sit there until the officer tells them what to do?

MC (briefly drifts off to Scrubs-like daydream wherein drivers actually did that...bliss): That'd be great!

**At this point, even the damn crowd is murmuring in agreement with me. Must've been blog readers that have learned something from all my ranting**

RPiA: I've never heard of such a thing.

MC (thinking to myself): Well isn't that fucking shocking.

The judge eventually found her guilty. Mostly because she hadn't been wearing her fuckin' seatbelt. Here's the best part...

Judge: Any tickets in the last three years?

RPiA: Yes.

Judge: For what?

RPiA: I had a speeding ticket.

Judge: Okay. (checks DMV history). Seems you've had two speeding tickets and a seatbelt ticket. I'll be holding them against you. That'll be a $256 fine. Thank you.

I'd do the cliche listing of different items and then say the last one was priceless, but it wasn't. It was $256. At one point or other, she accused me of lying about her not wearing her seatbelt. Hearing the judge announce that she had a previous ticket for failing to wear her seatbelt made my whole damn day. Right warmed the cockles of my heart. The very cockles. Hehe...cockles.