Someday I'll try this...

...or at least my personal variation...and much closer to retirement.

Thanks to Hal Buller on the FB fan page for the video!

The Look

I love The Look. Don't know what I'm talking about? It's the one where you know I saw what you did. I know you know I saw what you did. Instead of hassling with a traffic stop (maybe traffic is too heavy...yeah, sure, I'm on a motor, remember? More likely, I'm headed to lunch and just don't want to bother), I slow down as we pass one another.

I turn my head to gaze in your direction. So what if I'm wearing shades, you know I'm staring into the back of your head. We make eye contact and I send my heartless stare deep into your very soul. You quickly acknowledge your obvious dereliction of driving, bow your head in obeisance, raise your hand in deference and humbly, albeit non-verbally, admit you suck at operating a motor vehicle.

I solemnly shake my head in disappointment, but benevolently allow you to proceed about your day.

That Look.

(I'm a Dad and a Motor. Man, my Kids are screwed.)

Capt. Tom chimes in

Yesterday's gauntlet throwing adventure between yours truly and Happy Medic resulted in some of HM's readers sending in some shots of their own. Happy forwarded one in particular that had me laughing out loud. Pay particular attention to the slo-mo bit. Completely accurate as we have the ability to issue cites that fast. Honest.

I can't wait 'til lineup to show this to everyone at the PD. You don't have to wait....please to enjoy!

Thanks, Capt. Tom!

The secret is out!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

After tireless research (to be read: after f'n around on facebook), I discovered the following video. Happy Medic's claims of how demanding his job is and little down time he has whilst on duty are rubbish. Here's the proof:

What do you have to say for yourself, HM?

This Statie deserved a commendation...

Submitted to the facebook page by Joi Weaver:

Cool As A Cucumber Officer WIN - watch more funny videos

Although this was recorded 18 years ago, I and my fellow LEOs face this kind of behavior more frequently than you'd like to think. Don't believe me? Try this story on for size...

Last year, I stopped a soccer mom (mini-van and all) for speeding. She commenced to throw the biggest fit I've ever seen with my own two eyes. Not only did she refuse to sign the ticket, she ended up resisting when I directed her back to her vehicle (after she jumped out and began yelling like a crazy person).

Once that line is crossed, there is no going back. This was a busy morning on a fairly busy street. I couldn't have her running out into traffic and getting killed. I told her to get back in her car and she refused (keep in mind, my direction to return her to her vehicle was for both her safety and mine). I tried to gently grab her arm and escort her back to her van. She ripped her arm away from me (I think at one point I heard the *ding ding* of the bell...) and the fight was on.

All I was trying to do was to protect her (from herself), so I didn't want to do any of those swell moves we learn during defensive tactics. I didn't want to pepper spray her or dump her on the ground. Not only would it look like I'm kicking the shit out of this poor woman (unfortunately, we always have to keep other's perspectives in mind, now, don't we?), but her eight year old son was in the damn van.

Consequently, I end up fighting with this 40 something soccer mom. She eventually jumped back in the van and clutched her kid to her chest. She was in full "I'm losing my mind" mode. I wasn't about to rip her son out of her arms and make a bad situation worse. At no point did I feel she was a threat to my safety (other than darting out into traffic and having to chase her) and I didn't think she was going to hurt her son. Some times people just go, well, bat-shit crazy. Apparently, it was her turn.

I talked her out of the van and she ended up going to jail for resisting arrest. One of the cool things about this story is that other officers did an area canvass and every last witness said the lady just lost her mind and started screaming at me. I was very glad I didn't dump her or otherwise put any legit hurt on her. It's not always necessary to resolve a situation. If it hadn't been me that'd set her off, it was going to be the bank teller or the grocery clerk or the soccer coach. Someone was going to get an earful off of this lady at some point during her day. Unfortunately for her, she chose me and got a free trip to jail for it.

To her credit, she came in the next day and apologized for her behavior. She said she had never acted like that before and she was ashamed. I've not dealt with her since. Some days just suck, huh?

Could I legally have used more force on her than I did? Damn straight. Could the Statie in the video handled his situation a little differently and have been justified? More than likely. Point is, we don't always have to be knuckle-dragging Neanderthals to get the job done. I applaud his ability to stay calm in the face of abject idiocy.

Me? I don't have the patience and would've ended up saying something smartass to the guy....'course then I would blog about it, so, you know...win/win.

The Wave

No, not that wave. Sit down.

This one never fails to amuse me. I frequently tool around town on my motor or sit in one of about a dozen duck ponds. Often, people look at me as I roll by. Some of them look at me with a "cool bike" look on their face. Some of them glare. Kids smile and wave quite a bit (using all their fingers, thank you). Occasionally, parents will do the same. While they're driving. Without their seatbelt.

Folks, I love the good natured "Hello" and "How's it goin'", but do yourself a favor, please. Unless you want a verbal greeting commemorated with a written reminder of our fated meeting, make sure you're complying with those darn laws, will ya?

And you're whining why?

Thanks to Lee Rogers for posting this on the facebook page...

I don't want to hear you people bitching about a $150 cell phone ticket anymore.

xoxo,

MC

Why do cops get to harass people?

I don't often straight plagiarize or just post something someone else has written...but the BlogStocker sent me something I couldn't resist posting. Please to enjoy...

Recently, the Chula Vista Police Department ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing."

One of the civilian email participants posed the following question: "I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt. Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy. In Chula Vista , we average one cop for every 600 people. Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing.

The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents. And at any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents.

When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.

The tools available to us are as follows:

PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.

Another popular one is, "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

STATUTES: When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc... They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is a really cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can harass me." It's one of our favorites.

Who doesn't want to be a fireman?!?

Let me start by saying, "Shut up, Happy."

There...I feel better. I was contacted over my vacation by Frank Davison on behalf of a new website for our friends on the big, shiny, red trucks...or at least those that want to become one of them. Frank's website has taken on the task of providing a comprehensive and user friendly site to pursue a fire science degree...in damn near all 50 states.

Since I'm all about sharing the love with my smoke eating friends, I've included a link on the "Send in Fire" blogroll and you can also click on the site name...appropriately dubbed FireScienceDegree.com.

Man, you fire guys is clever.