MC: Good Afternoon, your honor, MC with Town PD. This violation occurred on May 5th of last year. On that date, I was in full uniform riding a marked Town Motor. I was eastbound on 123 St. at the intersection with Main Blvd. I saw the defendant driving in the #1 southbound lane on Main Blvd. I clearly saw her sheepskin covered seatbelt hanging against the B-pillar of her Jaguar. I conducted an enforcement stop, contacted the driver who identified herself with a valid CDL as Raging Pain in the Ass (RPiA). I asked her if she knew why I stopped her. She said she did not. I explained that she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. She said, "I know you saw me with it on. You just saw me take it off." I assured her I had not and I subsequently issued her a citation for CVC 27315(d). She signed the promise to appear in your honor's court.
Judge: Any questions for the officer?
RPiA: Yes. Did you see me?
MC: Yes, ma'am. I saw you not wearing your seatbelt.
RPiA: No. I mean did you see me?
MC: I don't understand the question.
RPiA: I know you were wearing your dark Batman sunglasses, but did we make eye contact?
MC: (What I should have said...thought of it too late) Ma'am, I assure you my protective eyewear has no superhero qualities about them. (What I actually said) I don't recall if we did or not.
RPiA: Did you see me rummaging around in my glovebox?
MC: Not that I recall.
RPiA: You were standing right there! Is there any law about me rummaging around when you pull me over?
MC: Um (quite confused now about what the hell this wingnut is talking about)...not that I'm aware of, although, I must say it isn't the most prudent thing to do.
RPiA: (haughty as fuck) And why not?
MC: Well, ma'am, how am I to know if you're reaching for your registration or a gun? I'm sure there's no law about it, but I'd certainly prefer if you don't rummage about your vehicle before I make contact with you.
RPiA: So, a driver should just sit there until the officer tells them what to do?
MC (briefly drifts off to Scrubs-like daydream wherein drivers actually did that...bliss): That'd be great!
**At this point, even the damn crowd is murmuring in agreement with me. Must've been blog readers that have learned something from all my ranting**
RPiA: I've never heard of such a thing.
MC (thinking to myself): Well isn't that fucking shocking.
The judge eventually found her guilty. Mostly because she hadn't been wearing her fuckin' seatbelt. Here's the best part...
Judge: Any tickets in the last three years?
RPiA: Yes.
Judge: For what?
RPiA: I had a speeding ticket.
Judge: Okay. (checks DMV history). Seems you've had two speeding tickets and a seatbelt ticket. I'll be holding them against you. That'll be a $256 fine. Thank you.
I'd do the cliche listing of different items and then say the last one was priceless, but it wasn't. It was $256. At one point or other, she accused me of lying about her not wearing her seatbelt. Hearing the judge announce that she had a previous ticket for failing to wear her seatbelt made my whole damn day. Right warmed the cockles of my heart. The very cockles. Hehe...cockles.
You said cockles.
ReplyDeleteYou know, it is high time I thanked you, MC.
ReplyDeleteI've always been sympathetic to police officers, because I know I could never do that work, but this blog has helped me understand the behaviors that are peevish or appreciated by officers.
I am reasonably certain that what I have learned on this blog helped me escape getting ticketed when pulled over twice in the past two weeks.
Once for expired tabs. There were no excuses, and I said as much. I had simply forgotten to get it done but acknowledged that forgetting was not an excuse. Warning issued.
Once for speeding, 85 in a 75. When asked if I knew how fast I was going and the limit, I stated yes and gave the numbers. I was sure I was going to get dinged, but why cry a river? I was speeding for no particular reason, I was caught, and that's the way it goes. Polite and deferential all the way. Somehow, I was given another warning.
Haven't been ticketed in over eight years for anything. I earned both of these recent forgiven cites and did not deserve either break. Better stop pushing my luck. You guys have better things to do than be distracted by boneheads such as myself who know better.
Thanks for what you do, MC.
People like her validate my existence. Good job!
ReplyDeleteConsidering her debating skills, her ability to focus on the point at hand and her past experience you should have just handed her your gun.
ReplyDeleteThat way she could just shoot herself in the foot without opening her mouth and that would have saved a lot of people a lot of trouble.
That's great. These judges are good people.
ReplyDeleteNow, if only they could be found guilty of perjury (and fined for it) on the spot...
I'm totally amazed that she had no clue that when you get pulled over, you turn off your car, you roll down your window, you put both hands on the steering wheel and you wait for the officer to instruct you. Apparently not only are people not born with common sense, they aren't born with common courtesy either.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your service to your community, and thanks for the laughs :)
Ma'am, I assure you my protective eyewear has no superhero qualities about them.
ReplyDeleteHilarious
Motorcop, you are one funny guy you are. I turned a coupla of my cop friends to your blog today.
ReplyDeleteWell, they're friendly acquaintences... they are cops, you know. Us medics gotta slum sometimes.
It was nice getting a chance to... (comment redacted in order to protect your confidentiality) last weekend.
The tongue biting is one of a thousand reasons I couldn't be an officer. I have a mute button and I know how to use it! Otherwise I might explode at the stupidity of some people.
ReplyDeleteI still want to know (because no one, I mean NO ONE) has ever explained properly why a police officer would have motivation to lie about what behavior they observed, especially in open court.
Also, because I'm twelve --cockles. *giggle*